M - encyclopedia of me

At Bella Dia I came across a great idea: An Encyclopedia of Me.

M is for Music.

Music is my life.

My whole family sang. My uncles sang in the family choir that existed for over a hundred year.
My grandma taught me first technical aspects of singing, and taught me to sing operette and opera.

When I was 4 my father took me with him to the choir he conducted. It was for 8 and over, but none cared that that little shy girls was singing too.
He was very dedicated to teach everyone good breathingtechniques, good pronunciation and good use of the vocal cords.

Later I was solosinger and choirsinger in the church and at highschool.
Ofcourse I sang in a folkband, and I've even sang in a rockband.
Ask me, and I'll do it again.

My first soprano has sunk a bit, due to age. (But I can practice and get it higher).
I can sing about everything, including falsetto and the kidn of singing that is used in musicals. (Don't know the translation)

My first musical instruments were pots and pans.
Later I learned all sorts of flutes and whistles, learned myself guitar and violin, got the most boring pianolessons, played organ in the church.
Now I play all sorts of instruments with highland bagpipes setting: the GHB shistle, hornpipe, smallpipes and the great highland bagpipe.
I would love to learn the play the harp.

Listening music is great to.
Depending on my mood you can enjoy me with...almost everything. Also hardrock, some house and techno..I'm OK with the new trends as long as they are not only a boring "...dump..dump...dump..."

M is for Motherhood.

My gram has a bunch of kids and she taught me a lot.
I enjoy motherhood...at times.
They say you get what you can carry. Well, four boys with autism spectrum disorder is a bit too much at times. It's not being their mother, it''s being their representative at schools which makes it a heavy task.

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L - encyclopedia of me

At Bella Dia I came across a great idea: An Encyclopedia of Me.

L is for Loyal.

I'm a very loyal friend and I try to teach my kids the same.
But I also want them to stay trie to themselves.
At times I have been more loyal to a socalled friend than loyal to myself.

L is for Lillies of the valley.

I love the smell and I love the look.
They remember me of my gram and of my stay in england, so many years ago.
It's the promising fragrance of spring.

L is for Laundry.

I think my family think I like laundry. Well, I don't.
I get so much that I can wash full machines of blue, white, black, red, green at least once a week.
That's at least 5 white and blue. Ugh!

L is for Love.

Luckily love doesn't come in a bottle that needs to be refilled.
So I try to give it around freely.

In case you expect now a story about the love of my life.. you won't find it.
I thought I married the best guy in the world, but he only was playing that part before our marriage.
I decided not to put my life on halt because of that.

L is for Listening.

Soooo important! especially listening "between the lines"....

L is for Ladybug.

I love ladybugs.
When I had big surgery a few years ago a ladybug was in my room every day.

L is for Labour.

I've had my share of experience with pregnancy and labour.

L is for Library.

When I think about livbrary I often think about the huge university library I went to study with friends. I still remember the smell. It felt so rich.

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K - encyclopedia of me

At Bella Dia I came across a great idea: An Encyclopedia of Me.

K is for Kingdom

Well, at the moment we live in a Queendom. LOL!

Queen Beatrix is our Queen.
Her mother Queen Juliana and her Grandmother Queen Wilhelmina reigned before her.

Today we heard that Castle Drakensteyn is prepared, so that means that Queen Beatrix won't be our Queen much longer.

Which means we will become a true Kingdom with our King Willem-Alexander.
We already had 3 King Willem's (before the Queens).

K is for knitting.

I have a long list of what I've made.

One of the most stirring was a wonderful red soft cardigan with thin cables and open patches.
I don't know how that kind of knitting is called.
It was beautiful!

When my mother saw it she accused me of lying. To her opinion I never could have made something so beautiful.
Well it says a lot about how she treated me.

K is for Knowledge.

I've always enjoyed studying, and I still do.

K is for kids.

Well, they should be under the c, but as the letter K is not often used in the english language...
I have 6 alive.

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J - encyclopedia of me

At Bella Dia I came across a great idea: An Encyclopedia of Me.

J for Jam.

I used to make jam. Hundreds of pots have been made, maybe over thousand.
I started when I was young, at my gram's house.

When I was at university I made jam at my studentroom on a campingcooker, when the owner of the house was out.
That's when I invented apple banana jam.

I've made it ever since. Yummy. But also stranberry, bramberry and a lot more.

J is for Jazz.

I love singing and making music.
Always said I'd sing jazz after 50. So I do.

J is for jealousy.

I wouldn't be able to cope with my life if I'd been jealous.
I can be happy for others, without wanting to have it too.

On the other hand. I can't deal well with people who are jealous.

J is for jewellery.

I love silver, I love earrings, I love rings, pendants... everything.
At home I only wear earrings... when I take the time.

J is for Journalism.

When I was at college I was send to a national magazine because they needed a writer.
I got lots of education there untill I was able to direct the whole process of making the magazine myself. Which came in handy, because the headeditor became ill a couple of months and I had to take over.

I like every aspect of journalism, except the whole celebrity dirt.

J for judgement

I can have a strong opinion about matters, but I can refrain from judgement.
I think it's not up to us to judge other people.

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I - encyclopedia of me

At Bella Dia I came across a great idea: An Encyclopedia of Me.

I is for International.

I think it's very important that people from all over the world connect.

I is for Interesting.

Only when people are interested in each other, they will try to keep and create peace.

I'm very interested in many subjects. I love to know more about almost everything.

I is for Internet.

Internet has changed my life.
It's my way to connect with people, as most of the time I'm just at home.

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H - encyclopedia of me

At Bella Dia I came across a great idea: An Encyclopedia of Me.


H is for Hair.

I am one of those people that were last in line when hair was given out.
It was straight, it is straight and straight it will ever be.
I can't do anything with it.

When cut in layers, I just appear to have less hair.
When cut at one height, I see people considering if maybe I have stood aside a hedge at the time of cutting.

It's colour now is light brown red, with grey areas.
So at times I just paint it red.

H is for House.

Our house is too small for all of us.
And often I have to spend more time watching the kids than I can afford tidying.
So it looks mezzy...
But I do my utmost to keep it clean.

H is for Hope.

I've spend almost all my life hoping things will get better.

H is for Heart.

My heart is large.

If love given to others is a measurement... my heart is huge.

But my docs tell me that my diseases make me to be at high risk of heart disease.
The stress I experience every day is just adding to it.
Well, let's hope all will be well.

H is for hospitality.

People are always welcome, as long as they accept the children.
They can get coffee, tea, even cookies to go with it.
We share our dinner if it's dinnertime.

But people can't sleep here. We just don't have the room, unless they want to sleep standing.

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G - encyclopedia of me

At Bella Dia I came across a great idea: An Encyclopedia of Me.


G of Global Peace and global citizenship.

To me one of the most important themes in my life is Global Peace.
I think we can only achieve this when we become aware that we shouldn't think in countries and borders.
That we're born at a certain place on earth doesn't mean we should put a wall around that place and tell everyone it's "mine".
We're all guest on this earth and when we accept we're all guests and we all need and deserve respect, then real peace is far more within reach.

G for Garden.

My garden is important for me.
It's my place outside home, literally.
I love nature, and it's great to see plants and flowers grow and express themselves.
I prune at times, because I don't want plants to kill each other, but I enjoy the abundance so much that some people might think my back garden is a bit overgrown.
Well, I like the feel of the arms of the trees spread around and above me.
It gives me a bit a feel of a secret garden. An oasis in this world.

G is for Girls.

I once had a girl and later another one.
They both didn't make it. And I miss them.

Now I have twingirls and they're such a joy!

G is for Giraffe.

I collect giraffes.

G is for grandmom.

She was the best grandmom I could have had.
She taught me a lot, so many things my mother didn't care to teach, to share.
She was my home.

I miss her every day.

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F - Encyclopedia of me

At Bella Dia I came across a great idea: An Encyclopedia of Me.

F is for Friends

Because I'm not able to go out often, I don't have many friends offline.
I guess it's not enough for people to receive friendship from me at my house.

But I do have a great and wonderful friend I don't see often. I know him since I'm 15 and he accepts me how I am.

I miss my university friend. He went to Portland, Oregon. How I wish to see him again.
he came back many years ago and I felt so at home with him, that I wonder how I would feel if I meet him again.

My online friends are very special to me. Especially Cindy and Andrena, and some others who know they are my friends.

F is for Forgiveness.

Already as a child I had to forgive in order to survive emotionally.
I'm still very forgiving.
But the last years I've found out that I can't be as forgiving towards teachers who fail to treat my children with respect. It's the lioness in me that comes out.

F is for Frances.

She's a fellow blog-a-holic and bloghops for She Who Blogs, shows me places in New York, so I understand another friend far better, and she does a lot more. Go and read her blog!



F is for Fun.

I love to laugh about things. Often I see things with humor.

F is for Father.

He was a great guy and I miss him every day.
If he would have been around today, life would have been very different.
He served in the RAF in WW2 and I would love to know more about him during the time.

F is for Family.

The extended family couldn't accept my children the way they are.
They'd rather tell me over and over I'm a bad mother and should discipline my boys, than that they wanted to gain some knowledge about their disorders.
They're Far from my daily life now.
I'm so sorry about this... but I just can't cope with more than I have on my platter now.

So I have my little family with 6 children and their dad (who has an autism spectrum disorder too.)

F is for Fifty.

I've passed that line in life.
It feels strange that my body is growing older. I don't recognise myself when I look in the mirror. I feel so different from the person other people see.

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E - Encyclopedia of me

At Bella Dia I came across a great idea: An Encyclopedia of Me.

E for Education

I've always enjoyed going to school. It was my safe heaven, my brainfood.
Even though I was bullied I found a way to focus on new learning material.

I thought university would be a thrill, but soon I found out it was just a race to get your head stick out above the crowd.

So I just went my own way... studied what I liked, and when it finally wat time to graduate I had so much paperwork from all the courses, exams and laboratory research that we had to throw out a lot.

I still love to educate myself. Internet is heaven for me.

Educating others just happened.
I worked and studied at the same time, so I was always looking for a better job.
Friends knew one... pushed me past the door and I just had to ask the job to prevent to look foolish.

The guy asked me why I applied...being the youngest applying for a staff-job ever.
I said I needed the money and.. I got the job.

Lecturing at the university was one of the greatest job I ever had. I enjoyed it so much!!

It was in the years of great auditoriums of 300 to 400 students and practicumgroups of 20.

I lectured in researchtechniques.

Education for my children is a complete different world.

That one of the main subjects I graduated in was "learning difficulties" is a great help, and works also terribly against me.
People sometimes don't like me and feel threatened if they know it (I don't tell them if not absolutely necessary), even before they have seen me. Ugh.

It's a help for my children, because I know what they need, and I can see what they get.
It's a help and a burden for me as a mom, because I have to fight the system so often...

I went through it all: years of teachers telling me my seriously dyslectic son isn't dyslectic at all, teachers telling me he should have done his homework, teachers telling me that I should read at home with my son, I should have read them books before bedtime from an early age on.

Oh, they knew so well... they thought.
Only one followed my advice to come and have a look at my home and the boys' room.
She was stunned because we had so many books, educational material... and it was used.

A few years later I went through the same with one of the girls. She's dyslectic as well.

Trying to get my children the right education and educational approach is very difficult. The system is changing continuously and not always for the better.

E is for Empathy.

Commonly defined as one's ability to recognize, perceive and directly feel the emotions of someone else.

I think the educational system works best when there's more empathy for the parents and the children.

E is for Efficiency.

The only way to run a family of 8, with 4 kids with autism spectrumdisorder, is being efficient.

I don't make appointments when they're not absolutely necessary.
I don't have lists or plans, because they leave no room for spontaneous actions, and all those unexpected things that happen here.

To be efficient means to me to do what needs to be done, quick and well. If possible do two things at the same time.

E is for Email.

So I hate the phone, well, others hate email.

Because what is written lasts, unless the provider goes down.

I love email!

It's my lifeline to other people.

E is for English.

It's not my main language.

But my dad was in England with the RAF in WW2 and he took me to meet the family he stayed with.
They were such loving and kind people. They taught me the love for the language, and it has always been the language of my heart ever since.

Ofcourse I make lots of mistakes, but hej... who can speak and write Dutch the way I can?

E is for Eyes.

One of my girls had the most beautiful grey eyes there are in the world.
The others have honey-brown and deep-brown eyes.

Mine are dusty blue.

E is for Eventful.

My days are never boring.

So many things happen each day, that there are days I don't have time to clean or hang the laundry.

How I wish to be able to have a day at the beach... or to sit and stare...

E is for Evening.

When everyone is to bed, there's finally some silence. Some time to turn inward.

Or time to reach out to friends online.

I try to make a walk each evening. Looking at the stars, the moon.

And feeling nature at the borders of the lake.

It's different there each night.

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D - encyclopedia of me

D is for Dreams.

I'm a dreamer and idealist.
Now I'm getting older I have to face that some dreams never will come true.

I always longed to go to Mali.
But I doubt if I will ever get enough money to go there.

But Scotland is near enough to be not too far away.
So I enter contests... maybe once in my lifetime I will win a trip to see it all.

D is for Diabetes.

I started to feel very tired. It became worse and worse. Then my eyesight got worse.
because I've always had gestational diabetes I knew I was at risk for diabetes.
My doc said it was not necessary to test.
I started to eat sugarless and felt a bite better.
A friend send me a glucosemeter and the next morning I told my doc I had diabetes and needed medication.

Living with diabetes is rather difficult as there's never a balance in energy here at home.

D is for Deliveries.

I have some experience with deliveries as a mom.

My first and second child were born at home. Wonderful experiences!
It's a pity I had to go to hospital for the other ones. (My second child died a couple of days after birth).
They were all induced with a drip.

All in all I've had 4 boys, 1 girl (she died a few days later), 1 twins, 1 little one who died intrauterine, 4 miscarriages.

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C - Encyclopedia of Me

C is for children



A large part of my life is dedicated to the children.



With 4 boys with autism spectrum disorder, and twingirls none will doubt this statement.


I don't know how I would be able to cope without the girls.
They are so happy and self confident. Each time when I doubt my parenting of the boys I know I have done something very well.
I'm so grateful to experience something of normal motherhood, because dealing with the boys is so hard and difficult. I don't get any help at all, but I can do with lots!



So C is for coping too.



And C is for Coffee and caffeine. LOL!



Many kids with autism spectrum disorder don't sleep well. Mine have the same problem.

So some nights last only 2 to 4 hours, between the last finding his bed and the first

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B - encyclopedia of Me

B is for Bagpipe.

I always wanted to play bagpipes, but never got the opportunity.
Then one of the girls wanted me to find someone who could teach her.
We found a band and we now have bagpipe lessons.
A few months ago I bought my first bagpipes. Never thought I would be able to realise this dream.

I'm still learning, but I can blow a couple of melodies very well.
I enjoy it tremendously.


B is for Ballet.

I have been a balletdancer part of my life.

I can say I have spend my happiest moments in my life dancing, or during lessons.

Even the most simple exercises were ultimate joy and happiness.
Somewhay my soul was caught in a bubble and was lifted in the movement.

I still regret I stopped ballet when I met the father of the children.
I should never have married, even though I don't regret receiving my children.

I'm so grateful my niece enabled me to teach once in a while and make choreographies for her balletschool.

That I started again when I was over 40 was great!
It not only set in motion the whole balletmovement for grown ups in my country, it also gave me the necessary break from being a mom.

I still hope my knee will heal well enough to enable me to do some ballet, or that someone will find me to teach or make a choreography.

Untill then I'll smile when I see those lovely dancers around me and especially those I taught up to ballet academy.

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A - Encyclopedia of Me

At Bella Dia I came across a great idea: An Encyclopedia of Me.

So here I go:

A is for Art

Art really makes my life beautiful.
The art I like, that is.

I can dream away when I see a beautiful painting, or feel myself tuning in to a beautiful melody. Some poetry can make my heart sing, and some songs can make it cry or smile.


A is Amber

Some people like it/me, some people don't.
Some people just look at the surface, and others are drawn towards th feeling they want to see what's in it/me.

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