manic monday

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manic monday

If you could have any music group or musician play at a party, who would you hire?

Howe I feel at the moment?
Janis Joplin.
But as she is already enjoying the grass from the wrong side,
I think I seriously would consider Ramses Shaffy.
He's a famous, dutch, inspiring mucisian, and I've always wishes to meet him.

Name three things to be happy about today.

I don't have the faintest idea.

I hardly slept last night, because I was afraid my ADHD son would oversleep. He went to england early this morning for a schooltrip.
I'm not happy with the people who have to supervise the group, ::see here:: and I tried to go with them myself. I could find a B&B, but couldn't find a lst minute flight from the airport nearby for yesterday or today.

After he left, I went to bed and was nearly asleep when they renovation activities started in the neighbouring house.

So I showered, cup of coffee and internet, and found out that McCallum won't make the smallpipes the way I want them, with no nickel, no imitation invory, so they'll be far too expensive for what the dollar is worth at the moment...

Opening my mail I found out that there was a reply of the schoolleader about his interpretation of the relationship between my autistic son and the auticlass.
As I thought, he was informed there was a place for my son at the auticlass, and he was going to do his final exam at his (then former) school. That's why he reported us as criminals to the council. Our son is not visiting that school.

It's a rather painful subject, as that school doesn't want our son, because it breaks the daily routine of the other autists there.

So I've just mailed the guy to set him straight.
Luckily he also mailed by whom he was informed.
So I mailed that woman, so she can put things straight. She misunderstood the information she got, for the somaniest time!!!!!!!

Now I hope the schoolleader tries again to get my son admitted at the auticlass. I told him so.
THAT would make me happy.

So right now I don't expect something happy today.
On top of it I have an aching throat, as have 4 others here...

How do you release frustration?

Seeking the cause and try to set things straight.
I use the mail.
When I can't solve the problem that causes the frustration I get the next item that's on my list of "things to change" and invest my energy there.
Otherwise I can start working: laundry, cleaning.

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manic monday

How did you celebrate your last birthday?

Quite boring actually.
The girls gave me a present in the morning, and a friend visited in the afternoon.
That was it.

What's the last thing you bought yourself, just for fun?

A little booklet of Marjolein Bastin in the sales. You can find it here.
It's perfect for writing down birthdays.

I love her drawings and I would love to have something more from here. like the bedcover.
Can't have it all, can we?

What would the child you once were think of the adult you have become?

I think she would be amazed by the way I stand up for my children and wsh someone would stand up for her too.
It's strange to say, but she would want to have me as a mom.

I was a very shy child, not very appreciated by my mother.
When I was 4 she had me go out to buy the groceries.
I still can't understand why so young.
I had to clean a lot in the house too. I still hate doing it.
And she used to hit me a lot, and belittle me day by day.

I have learned myself not to let the past influence me in a negative way.
The times with my grandmother were far more important for the person I have become.
I also decided when I was young that I wouldn't fit in the theories of some socalled scientists that children of abusive mothers will become abusive too, or will become bad mothers.
I promised myself not to become a victim of the past.

Looking back I see I have missed one important aspect of it all.
I married the first guy that was nice to me. I mistook attention for real love, and I mistook being in love for real love.
It took so long to realise that!

So I guess I'm one of the least hugged people in the world, when it comes to parents and partner.
But I'm glad I have some nice children.
Especially with the girls I have a very good relationship, and I've been able to teach them what my mother didn't tell me.

So my little me can feel at rest. I struggled myself out of the past in a rather good way.

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manic monday

What do you order when you eat Chinese food?

It's never something expensive, as we have 7 or 8 mouths to feed, at least.
We'll get get-away. And most of the time it's nassi, bami, eggrol, springroll, sometimes Fried Chicken in Ginger Sauce.

How much have you controlled the course your life has taken?

Haha...
I don't think I'm in control. Life is.

I controlled the amount of children... well, Not completely. When I wished for one, as a last, I got two. LOL!
But I didn't control how the children would be.

Whose opinion do you value when deciding how to vote?

My own.
We have a simple system.
A multiparty system.
Each party writes a partyplan, inclcuding desicions they want to make on areas like education, healthcare, economics, etc etc.

So it's a matter of deciding what's important to me, where I find the most I want, and where I find the most powers to realise the plans.

So I vote for that party, and only when there's a favorite in that party I vote for that person.


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manic monday

What is the most romantic movie that you've ever seen?

Well, those who know me, know the answer: Out of Africa.
The relationshop between her and Denys, makes me remember...

If you could be the lover of any person alive other than your current lover, who would you pick?

Well, maybe the friend from university I tried to contact.
This time I certainly would choose someone who makes me feel loved, instead of being in love.

What scents remind you of a loved one?

Tabac aftershave of my dad, but I guess you don't mean that.

But I had a friend who smoked kretek sigarettes. So that's the scent which is most meaningful to me.

Kretek cigarettes were the results of the lungproblems of Haji Jamahri who lived in Kudus central Java.
he used cloves to relieved his chestpains by using clove oil, but he wanted more relief and put dried cloves in a cigarette. It helped so much that the rokok cengkeh – clove cigarettes soon were smoked by many more.

Because the kretek cigarettes contain more tar and nicotine than other cigarettes they have been subject of investigation.
It's interesting that the health effects are no worse than other cigarettes.


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manic monday,

Is there anything too serious to joke about? If so, what falls into that category for you?

I for myself don't like jokes about people who can't defend themselves.
Especially not when they're handicapped.
I think many people are a joke themselves when they think they need to ridicule others.

We do joke here at home, however, a lot about all our own handicappes.
With 5 people on the autism spectrum too many things happen to stay serious.
But these are jokes that keept within the walls of the home.

Would you rather be a tortured genius or a happy simple-minded person? Why?

Well, life is so difficult that I tend to want to be happy.
But happiness.... it's just moments for most of us, humans.
So do these moments outweight being simple-minded?
When simple-minded means stupid.... I'll just stay a genius.

A dear friend or family member has a terminal illness and is in agony. He/she wants you to help him/her die. What would you do?

First let me say that euthanasia is a word that is used for far more situations in the american language that it's used in The Netherlands.
I'm a bit sick of people accusing us, Dutch, of killing people when they can't defend themselves.
We don't.

The free dictionary of Farlex defines euthanasia as: The act or practice of ending the life of an individual suffering from a terminal illness or an incurable condition, as by lethal injection or the suspension of extraordinary medical treatment.

Well, that's not what we mean by Euthanasia.

Nor is the term mercykilling reflecting what we mean by euthanasia.

Euthanasia is in all cases done by a doctor, and is subject to a lot of legal rules.

The law states that the doctor

• is convinced the patiënt has made his decision after considerable and careful weighing of options
• that he's asking out of his own free choice
• that the patiënt is suffering without any prognosis he'll feel better and he can't bear the suffering any longer
• has completely informed the patiënt about his illness, his prognosis and other aspects of the situation
• there is no other option in the eyes of both patiënt and doctor.
• at least one other independent doctor is consulted and this doctor has carefully checked the conditions mentioned before. He has to submit a written report.
• the assistance in the dying process or suicide has been medically correct.

The law also states that
when a patiënt of 16 years or older is no longer able to voice his wishes, but has submitted a written request, under the conditions written before, a doctor can act according to the conditions given before.

The law also states that when a patiënt isn't of age, and between 16 and 18 years old, who fits the criteria above, the doctor can honor his request after the parents and/or caretakers are involved in the decision.

The law also states that when a patiënt isn't of age, and between 12 and 16 years old, who fits the criteria above the doctor can honor his request after the parents and/or caretakers can agree with the decision.

After the patiënt has died the doctor should fill in a report and inform the coronor.

All cases should be reported by a special board, so the case can be reviewed in detail.
When the board needs additional information they can request this to be given.
They can also request to be informed about the case by others.

The board is responsible to The Law.

The board is also subject to investigation by The Law, the inspection of health, and a national board of inspection. (I can't translate all those functions in detail, but you'll get the idea.)

Each year the board has to submit a written report to the government about:

1. the amount of cases
2. what kind
3. the conclusions and how they reached the conclusions.

The boards are very critical in their reviews. They won't accept any mistake. That also means that the consulted doctor should follow every detail of the law.
Otherwise the case will be reported to the police.

That's part of the law. There is far more, like the expected amount of time left before death.
But enough here.

So you see, there is no place for a familymember or a friend to take action.

I have been in the situation of a family member and later of a friend that were suffering.
It was awful to see.
But unlike the ways people act in soap operas, there is no chance to pull the plug.

All I could do was to express my concerns to the doctors in question and ask them to give all the medical care possible.

I tried to reach out to my dad and friend on a psychological level.
I tried to divert their attention with love and care.

My friend asked me to bring him an a hypnotic state after he said goodbye to his family and friends.
It helped a bit, and he was able to engage in some conversation before he died.

When my baby was dying in hospital I was so terribly afraid the doctors would come to ask me what to do.
I was ready to make them stop causing her pain, as it was clear she would die.
Maybe I would have pulled the plug to prevent further agony.
I would even have taken imprissonment well, with the knowledge that she wasn't suffering anymore.
But I would never ever had another child.
I can deal with nature letting children die, (2 of my babies died), but I would have never ever been at peace with myself.

Because I'm "high risk" I've spoken about this subject a long long time ago with family, friends and my family doctor. I've also a written form in my files.
I don't want any lifesupport when that means I can't communicate, can't discuss matters with others. And I don't want to be put to sleep and die from dehydration and/or malnourishment.
I hope I'll be able to deal with my suffering that there's no need other people are involved than my own doctor and the legal consultant.

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manic monday

If you could have a servant come to your house every day for one hour, what would you have them do?

A servant??
I probably just would give a coffee and have a talk.
A servant!!

On the other hand... it depends what kind of servant and what time.

In the morning I would give a psychological assistant the task to get my autistic son to school. I'm sure my bloodpressure would drop soooo much, they would fear for my life. LOL!

In the afternoon I would give him the task to get my children clean their rooms.
Supervision, some help here and there.

Has your life ever been changed by an apparently random occurrence?

Yea... isn't eveything what goes on in life ad random?
I have to believe that, otherwise there's a cause for everything that happens in my life.
Either me... I'm not THAT bad!!!
or a God... why choose me for all this? Spread it out over more people, please!!!
or a force... get lost! I've had enough!!!

You're having dinner with several friends and acquaintances. They all criticize a close friend of yours (not knowing he/she is a friend). The criticism is unjustified. What would you do?

Let them talk, ventilate, throw with mud, enforce each other.
I would keep my mouth shut and try to control my bloodpressure and try to prevent my face from radiating my anger.
Then, when they're finished, I would summarise and ask if that's right.
Then I would very calm state that I'm amazed they would even consider I'm that bad a person to have such a friend.
I would tell them calmly they're completely wrong and ask them to appologise.

I've been in such a circumstance.... argghhhHHHHHHH!!!!!


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manic monday

If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be?

I don't have to be named after one of the 50 states of the USA, so you won't get an answer on this one from me.

Where do you go for advice?

I have nowhere to go, so when I really need advice I have to find something online.

The most advice I ask online is about issues at school.
There's a special emailservice from the government and I use that.
I try to get people there motivated to ask my questions higher up, because when i don't know the answers, someone else experiences the same. That means things need to change as soon as possible.
So I try to make people who work there bring these matters under the attention of the minister.

What is the sickest you've ever been?

After my birth I was found all grey and blue, not breathing in the hospitalcraddle.

I've had meningitis when I was 4.

The most conscious near death experiences I've had when I had a terrible uterusinfection.
Before leaving the hospital I brought this to the attention of the obstetrician/gynaecologist but he said I was suffering from post partum contractions.
I phone my family doc when leaving the hospital, to come over as soon as possible.
I didn't have a fever, but I knew things were wrong.
I also left a note for a friend who is a midwife and was expected in hospital soon after I left.

When I came home I felt rather OK, but an hour later I was barely conscious.
My friend the midwife arrived, saw me, and immediately phoned a doc and ordered on his name antibiotics.
10 minutes later She sat beside me and I could only hear her talk from afar. She said not to worry, all would be OK.
She and the doc just violated about all the rules about home treatment and pushed the antibiotics in.
I survived.
But my friend told me later she didn't think I would make it. I was so ill it was not responsible anymore to wait for an ambulance.

Another time was when I lost a baby halfway pregnancy.
Luckily I was in hospital.
Another friend was visiting just after I gave birth to the baby, which couldn't live.
The gynaecologist was in the room.
We all knew each other well.
Right at the moment my friend told him I was starting to look white very fast, I felt there was a terrible bleed. I could feel life flowing away.
He looked and ran to the phone. I heard the panick in his voice, which really alarmed be and the others, because he was always as quiet as could be.
I was rushed to the operating rooms. Had to wait there, and while the nurses kept talking to me, slapping me to keep me conscious, I felt life just flowing out of me and got unconscious.

When I woke up I was surpised to be alive. (And oh boy, was I cold!)



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manic monday

What was the last thing you regret buying?

I bought online a jacket that should fit a certain look for a special occasion.
The measurements were not what they were told they would be, so it´s a miss.
Well, one of the girls will fancy it.

If you had a crystal ball that could tell you the truth about any one thing you wished to know about yourself, life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

Pff. That´s a difficult question.
I don´t want to take away my dreams, my hopes, challenges, efforts.

I had a friend once. He was as a brother to me.
Because I critized the way he always was able to choose for himself, instead of looking what was important to and for his child, he said goodbye to me.

I've always hoped he would understand where I came from and that I said it out of care and love for both of them.

Yes, that's what I want to know. If he ever came past his hurt ego, and if we ever will be friends again.

How do you know when you're in love?

I can't stop thinking about him, I feel pretty, my phantasy is working overhours, I dress better....


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manic monday

december 10 2007

For the holidays, are you a last-minute shopper or do you shop well ahead of time?

Well, I used to be well in time.
This year I didn't even have the chance to leave the house.
So it was last minute and done by someone else.
(We've already had our presents festival like at christmas.)

If you had to pick a new first name for yourself, what name would you choose?

Mine s fine.
It's already own choice.

What's worse, having expectations that are too high, or having no expectations at all?

Having no expectations at all.
It's so depressing to have nothing to look forward too, to have no dreams to fullfill.

Disappointment can be dealt with when you're a realist, but no expectations at all....

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manic monday

November 26 2007

Which personality trait has gotten you into the most trouble?

Pfff... Can I answer this one next year?
No?
Well....

I think the most troubles are caused by ... hmmm...

I'm a bit shy. Not when it's about the children or others, but when it's about me.
Not really on internet, but in real life I am.
I can make the perfect impression that I'm open and outgoing, but people won't see how I really feel.

I haven't had real troubles with it. Unless you count not finding a loving husband real troubles.

If you had to gain 10 pounds what would you eat to gain the weight?

Applepie, schwarzwalderkirschtorte, icecream, fudge.

How is your private self different from your public self?

People see me as the woman who stands up for her children, who has an outspoken opinion, who's never lost of a kind word and who can turn into a stand up comedian in a waitingroom.

I'm rather quiet at home...

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manic monday

What family traditions or customs would you most like to see preserved?

I want Sinterklaas to be preserved.
We don't do presents at christmas here in The Netherlands. Santa doesn't come here.
Sinterklaas arrived at november about the 18th, and when he is in the country the children are allowed to put their shoes ready with something in it for Sinterklaas his horse.
In exchange they'll get a little present.

Sinterklaas leaves in the night of 5 to 6 december and leaves presents.

I love the tradition and I hope it'll be Sinterklaas here again.

(Last year we had no money for presents and that felt soooooo bad.)

What do you feel is the least sexy part of the body?

Hmm.. don't know. I really don't know.
And who cares?

What keeps you awake at night? Why? (This could be worries, recurring thoughts, pain or any other distraction. Read into this any way you wish.)

So many things that keep me awake.
Worries about the children, about money, missing a caring partner, pain...
So I go to bed only when I'm tired.

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manic monday

Describe yourself in one word:

aquarius

What is your favorite kitchen utensil and why?

ttt...don't know the translation.
It's a wooden flat spoon.
It can be used to stir, lift pancakes, keep the bottom of the pan clean.
I love it!

What is the one thing that frightens you the most about growing old?

Hmmm...
There are a couple of things I don't like:
That I can do less. I've been a balletdancer and I miss the freedom of dancing.
That I get ugly. Gravity is pulling at my eyelids and that makes me feel tired and look old.
That I don't have the chance to find the right partner anymore. It's the loneliness of never been seen as the person I am. Never to experience to be number 1 in the life of someone else, and forgetting myself because the other is the real number 1.

Loosing my dreams.... giving them up, one by one.


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manic monday

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be and why?

I would have choosen another mother.
One who really cared about me. (I've been abused physically and mentally)

Do you think that the world will be a better or a worse place 100 years from now?

I hope it's a better place.
More attention for what children really need, more care for nature.
Less ego... less looking doen on people.
And certainly less war.

But can people really change?

At the beginning of a relationship, do you trust your new partner unless there is something specific to make you do otherwise, or do you withhold your trust until he/she has earned it?

I trust people.
I can't withhold trust.

But I've paid for it. A lot.

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manic monday

Would you be able to serve on a jury and sentence the defendant to the death penalty if he/she were found guilty of a crime that the court felt warranted the death penalty?

We have a completely different system here.
We don't have a jury.
Judges represent us. They have studied law and they have been trained to be as objective as possible, investigate properly.
When I consider that the american system speaks of "Proof beyond reasonable doubt", I don't think normal people should be burdened to make the decision if it's beyond reasonable doubt.
Attorneys are verbally very intelligent and they can outwit normal people, so people can be convicited of a crime they've never commited, and the members of the jury have to carry that load on their shoulders all their lives.

People have to be protected from the mistakes made in court.
So in our democratic society we don't regard democracy and the law served when ordinary people make decisions in court.
Let the experts do it.

BTW. We don't sentence people to death.
What God gives should not be taken by humans.
It's up to him to make that final judgement.

So the answer is "no".

Have you ever faked being ill to avoid doing something you didn’t want to do?

Yes.
Not often though.

Would you state you were guilty of a crime you didn't commit to free a loved one?

With so many people dependent upon my care and guidance I'm not sure if I would.
So.. I don't think so.

It would be very loving etc etc, but I'd be standing in the middle of the scales of justice at that moment.
Can I stop the care for those who need me, to free someone I love but who did it?

I think I would make a mistake by witholding the criminal the support he needs to become a trustworthy member of society.

But I would use all my verbal power and intelligence to talk him out.
Oh yes!

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manic monday

If you could have a romance with any fictional character, who would it be?

Hmm.. I haven't the faintest idea.

If you could be invisible for one hour, where would you go and what would you do?

For one hour only?

I can't do much in one hour, considering the fact that it needs at least 30 minutes to get in town.
Well, if I can get past doors unseen I would visit a friend and clean up his appartment.
He's wanted to do it for a long time, but he got cancer.
He doesn't want other people dealing with his stuff, but I know a way to help him out without turning his "system" upside down. So he'll be able to find his things without problem.

If you could ask God any single question, what would it be?

Is it true you prefer some people above others?
I've always believed an all caring god would never do that.

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manic monday

Which month of the year do you think best describes your personality?

Maybe it's May.

In The Netherlands we have at May 4 remembrance day, followed by May 5th, when we celebrate freedom.
I think those are two aspects of my life that are very important: remebering those who died and the experience of freedom.

I also like the change in nature.
My life is constant change too. Even though my life is boring when you look from the outside: there's a constant blow of change that needs preparedness.

If you could have had the starring role in an existing movie, which movie would you pick?

Out of Africa.
I would change the end though. LOL!

Are you attracted to people whose personalities are very similar to your personality or very different?

Even met someone like me?? LOL!
I loke people who are completely different. But I think all other people are.

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manic monday

If technology was sufficiently advanced, would you be willing to clone yourself?

No way! ... well, if I could relive a lifetime in a very different way.
But for my looks there's no reason to clone.

At the local grocery store you see an elderly woman shoplift a chicken. Do you tell the management?

Depends on her outfit.

If she's got expensive clothes and golden jewelry, she needs psychiatric help, so I would report her in such a way that he would offer her the choice between treatment and the police.

If she's poor, I would sneek in front of her at the kassa and tell the girl to let me pay for it, even if it means no chicken for us.

If you could be 8 years old again for an entire day, knowing what you know now, how would you spend it?

When I was 8 I had a very kind teacher at school. She was considered to be the best one in town and she certainly was.
I was send to a children's home because my mother didn't take care of me well. I was a lonely child.

My gram was all to me. So I'd probably use the day to arrange to live with my grandmother forever. We would eat cake to celebrate it, and she would tuck me in at night.

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manic monday

You’ve won $100,000 – but have to give it all away.
To which charity or institution would you donate it?

Well, knowing that so many organisations need too much money to have people travel to the site where help is needed, too much money to make people keep their jobs, I doubt if I would hand it over to an organisation or institution.

Most likely I would gather with a few other parents of autistic and autism spectrum disorder children and team up to buy a house so they have a place to stay when they get a bit older, under care and supervision.
There's no place in town or in the direct area where my 15 year old autistic boy can stay.
It's a shame!
The only place is 5 hours travelling from here and that's unacceptable.

What do you think is the most soothing sound?

For many people: the sea.
For me too. And the rain... especially in an old town.

Does time heal all wounds?

No.
It can take away the sharp edges. It can make it possible to laugh and live again.
But the death of my children, my gram and my father will always stay with me.

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manic monday

If you could enter a racehorse in the Kentucky Derby, what would you name your horse?

Well, firtst I don't know what the Kentucky Derby is.
I guess it's a famous racehorse event.

I've never been interested in racehorsing. I wonder how respectful it is to the horses, so maybe I would name a horse... if there was no chance to escape from entering: respect horses.


What famous person, whom many people find attractive, is most unappealing to you?

To be honest, I don't care much for all those famous people.
Just because they're a singer, politician, movieplayer or whatever it doesn't mean they need a red carpet.
I don't know very well, who is regarded to be attracting.

In my own country we have someone who is regarded to be nice or something.
And I certainly don't want to be her. Verdonk is the name.

Which foreign country are you least interested in visiting?

A country where people are kept poor so the rich can enjoy everything the want.
A country where I'm closely watched so I won't get in contact with people who talk freely about their own country.

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