manic monday

How did you celebrate your last birthday?

Quite boring actually.
The girls gave me a present in the morning, and a friend visited in the afternoon.
That was it.

What's the last thing you bought yourself, just for fun?

A little booklet of Marjolein Bastin in the sales. You can find it here.
It's perfect for writing down birthdays.

I love her drawings and I would love to have something more from here. like the bedcover.
Can't have it all, can we?

What would the child you once were think of the adult you have become?

I think she would be amazed by the way I stand up for my children and wsh someone would stand up for her too.
It's strange to say, but she would want to have me as a mom.

I was a very shy child, not very appreciated by my mother.
When I was 4 she had me go out to buy the groceries.
I still can't understand why so young.
I had to clean a lot in the house too. I still hate doing it.
And she used to hit me a lot, and belittle me day by day.

I have learned myself not to let the past influence me in a negative way.
The times with my grandmother were far more important for the person I have become.
I also decided when I was young that I wouldn't fit in the theories of some socalled scientists that children of abusive mothers will become abusive too, or will become bad mothers.
I promised myself not to become a victim of the past.

Looking back I see I have missed one important aspect of it all.
I married the first guy that was nice to me. I mistook attention for real love, and I mistook being in love for real love.
It took so long to realise that!

So I guess I'm one of the least hugged people in the world, when it comes to parents and partner.
But I'm glad I have some nice children.
Especially with the girls I have a very good relationship, and I've been able to teach them what my mother didn't tell me.

So my little me can feel at rest. I struggled myself out of the past in a rather good way.